how Do I Stop Being Toxic?

Do you regularly take part in gossiping or talking about people behind their back?

Do you take part in some activities to de-stress?

Do you know what your inner values are?

Do you actively listen to others while in a conversation?

Do you strive to maintain an image of yourself for others?

Do you show accountability for the things you do or say?

Make it a habit to stay away from negative conversations. It's far too easy to get sucked into ones filled with gossip. Gossiping, backbiting, and talking about unpleasant topics not only has a negative impact on your own happiness, it affects those who are around you.

When we are rushed, tired, hungry, stressed, or not hydrated enough we can make snap decisions without thinking of the other people in our life. It's important to take the time out of your busy days to practice self-care. That means different things to different people. But if you want a place to start, try meditating, exercising, writing in a journal, and turning off all non-vital phone notifications.

A lot of toxic things we might be doing come from the fact that we’re just not thinking about how they would affect us, were roles reversed. We forget what it is that’s important to us, or sensitive to us.

If you are someone who struggles to remember what people have said to you, it can be hard to notice this. If you’re doing everything to come up with an excuse for not listening properly that is iron-clad and perhaps which even makes the other person feel bad for pointing this out, that is getting into toxic behaviour.

A toxic person is desperate to maintain a certain image, to the point of getting defensive or perhaps even attacking others about things that just don’t make any sense.

If you’re in a habit of pretending that all is well, that you’ve never done wrong, of denying others’ feelings, or trying to ‘act superior’, this can get pretty tiring. Showing vulnerability is important if you ever plan to get beyond the small talk with someone. And there’s nothing more toxic than opening up to someone, only to find they use it against you, punish you for it, or never reciprocate. If you’re not able to be accountable for your own wrongdoing — if you dig in, and have to maintain your image — this is a big potential problem. For one, it’s a sign of narcissism.

Another important thing to remember is to always assume positive intent unless necessary. If you’re assuming negative intent, things get defensive and hurtful fast. This comes back to our point about being too reactive: if we proceed from a point of doubt and distrust, it’s time to stop and ask why that is.