How Should I Help Someone With Depression?

Have you tried listening to them?

Have you tried helping them find a support circle?

If they are attending therapy but having a bad day, have you tried encouraging them to continue therapy and getting help?

Have you tried learning about depression?

Have you tried offering to help with normal day-to-day tasks?

Have you tried asking your friend to actively participate in recreational activities?

Let your friend know you’re there for them. You can start the conversation by sharing your concerns and asking a specific question. Keep in mind that your friend may want to talk about what they feel, but they might not want advice.

Your friend may not be aware they’re dealing with depression, or they may be unsure how to reach out for support. Even if they know therapy could help, it can be daunting to search for a therapist and make an appointment. You can help your friend list things to ask potential therapists and things they want to mention in their first session. Encouraging them and supporting them to make that first appointment can be so helpful if they’re struggling.

On a bad day, your friend might not feel like leaving the house. Depression can zap energy and increase the desire to self-isolate. If your friend wants to cancel therapy, encourage them to stick to it. The same goes for medication. If your friend wants to stop taking medication because of unpleasant side effects, be supportive, but encourage them to talk to their psychiatrist about switching to a different antidepressant or getting off medication entirely.

Imagine having to educate each person in your life about a mental or physical health issue you’re experiencing — explaining it over and over again. This will become exhausting for your friend. Read up on the symptoms, causes, diagnostic criteria, and treatments on your own. You can talk to your friend about their specific symptoms or how they’re feeling, but avoid asking them to tell you about depression in general terms.

With depression, day-to-day tasks can feel overwhelming. Things like laundry, grocery shopping, or paying bills can begin to pile up, making it hard to know where to start. Your friend may appreciate an offer of help, but they also might not be able to clearly say what they need help with. If your friend is behind on dishes, laundry, or other household chores, offer to come over, put some music on, and tackle a specific task together. Simply having company can make the work seem less daunting.

People living with depression may have a hard time reaching out to friends and making or keeping plans. But canceling plans can contribute to guilt. A pattern of canceled plans may lead to fewer invitations, which can increase isolation. These feelings can worsen depression. You can help reassure your friend by continuing to extend invitations to activities, even if you know they’re unlikely to accept. Tell them you understand they may not keep plans when they’re in a rough patch and that there’s no pressure to hang out until they’re ready.

When you care about someone who’s living with depression, it’s tempting to drop everything to be by their side and support them. It’s not wrong to want to help a friend, but it’s also important to take care of your own needs. Moreover, spending a lot of time with a loved one who has depression can take an emotional toll. Know your limits around difficult emotions, and make sure you take time to recharge.