Why Does My Child Not Let Me Comfort Them?

Does your child rarely or minimally seeks comfort from adult caregivers when distressed?

Does your child rarely or minimally responds to comfort from adult caregivers when distressed?

Does your child show minimal social and emotional responsiveness to others?

Does your child show limited positive affect?

Does your child show episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness, or fearfulness that are evident even during nonthreatening interactions with adult caregivers?

Does your child experience social neglect or deprivation (i.e., persistent lack of having basic emotional needs for comfort, stimulation, and affection met by caregiving adults)?

Does your child experience repeated changes of primary caregivers that limit opportunities to form stable attachments?

Does your child rear in unusual settings that severely limit opportunities to form selective attachments (e.g., institutions with high child-to-caregiver ratios)?

Can you confirm that the insufficient care in may be responsible for the disturbed behavior?

Was the disturbance evident before age 5 years?

Does your child have a developmental age of at least 9 months?

While it is unlikely that your child has a significant problem with attachment, it is showing some signs related to it. Attachment is a two-way process: under normal conditions, if you show affection, your child will reciprocate. Reactive attachment disorder may occur when the child’s basic needs for affection aren’t met and when caring attachments with other people are not settled. It may be useful to discuss your child’s symptoms and behavior with a doctor. Symptoms can also indicate autism. In case you answered ‘no’ to all questions, there is no need for concern.

While it is unlikely that your child has reactive attachment disorder, it may be displaying several signs related to unhealthy attachment patterns. Attachment is meant to make our children dependent on us, so that we can lead them through life. When kids can take for granted that their attachment needs will be met, they feel free to discover and move freely. If you are worried about your child’s attachment behaviors, you may consider getting your child evaluated by a doctor. Symptoms can also be related to autism. If left untreated, symptoms can continue for years and may have consequences for the rest of the child’s life.

Unfortunately, your child is displaying numerous symptoms typically seen among kids who have reactive attachment disorder. As a parent, it may be important to be actively engaged with your child. This includes interaction, playing with him and smiling. Make sure to show enough affection, love and to understand when he needs you. Touch your child, talk gently, and show expressions. Treatment should involve both child and parents and the target is to make sure that the child has a stable living situation and develops positive attachment with the parents. Your child may benefit individual counselling as well as family counselling. For parents, it may be important to attend parental skills classes.